This is Spitfire, a style of head-to-head debates between The Accolade’s two Opinion editors. Aashna is yellow. Kayden is red.
PREVIOUSLY ON SPITFIRE: The two Opinion editors went head-to-head about whether the underclassmen years are better than the upperclassmen ones. Kayden, the winner and now-defending champion, argued that the second half of high school is better than the first, while Aashna kept her underclassman fire alive, arguing in favor of the first two years. Will Aashna take the crown this time around? One thing’s for sure: they’re both about to spit FIRE.
Here are the rules:
- No profanity.
- An editor attacked by the other will be given three sentences to respond.
- The readers will decide who wins through a poll at the end of the article.
- Once a rule is broken, the debate ends.
Every night at 10 p.m., without fail, I begin my nightly ritual: one hour of undisturbed scrolling through Instagram Reels with my phone on Do Not Disturb, watching food videos on wonderous accounts such as @hungryhungryhanny and @reviewbyrick. Both of these incredibly entertaining profiles have one goal in common: eating food in under a specific number of bites, the most captivating and engrossing feat to accomplish, which got me thinking — what about an In-N-Out 4×4 in four bites? I could do that easily.
Aashna Dialani, you CANNOT even eat an entire 4×4 in 10 bites, let alone four; you know eating one of those means there are four whole burger patties? You’re saying you’d be able to eat an average of one patty, half of a bun, one slice of cheese, lettuce and tomato per bite? That’s literally more than 1,000 calories, and eating that in a single-digit number of bites should be impossible for anyone unless they’re Tarrare or something.
Kayden, I understand where you’re coming from thinking that it’s practically impossible to finish that monster of a burger in four bites, but here’s the strategy: unhinge your jaw, disassemble the burger and fit in as much as you can both vertically and horizontally; just think about it — it’s easy! Actually, there’s proof of this glorious occurrence taking place; in 2017, competitive eater and YouTuber Matt Stonie posted one of my favorite videos of all time: the In-N-Out 4x4x4 challenge, where he ate four of these burgers in under three minutes. Now, I know that it didn’t happen under four bites, but I’m sure he could accomplish this if he really set his jaw up to it.
Get a grip – Matt Stonie eating quickly has nothing to do with us common folk eating the monstrosity of a burger in four bites, and the average person isn’t going to be able to unhinge their jaw, Aashna. Even if they take their time, nobody that’s normal is going to fit a quarter of that in their mouth, including you. I know this is a Spitfire, but I’m pretty sure you’re being unrealistic right now.
Hey, come to think of it, you might be right. Your evidence seems pretty promising, and perhaps my overly optimistic thinking got the best of me this time. You know I can’t control myself around In-N-Out, and sometimes my eyes are definitely bigger than my stomach; for the first time, I think we agree on something other than our shared hatred for each other.
Can’t control yourself around In-N-Out? You know what? Sure, thanks for agreeing with me. I guess we both win the Spitfire, then.
An agreement goes against what Spitfire stands for: fighting tooth and nail with diction. Since both Opinion editors violated the core belief of Spitfire with an agreeable decision, a fifth rule will be added: Arguments must be opposites.
Because of the violation of rules No. 2 and 5, Spitfire ends by default. Additionally, since both the Opinion editors came to a consensus for the first time in Spitfire history regarding the In-N-Out 4x4, this segment of the Opinion section will now be coming to a permanent close.
Sorry, there was an error loading this poll.
Your donation will support the student journalists of Sunny Hills High School. Your contribution will allow us to purchase equipment and cover our annual website hosting costs.
